This is not the end...

It has been a few months since the last time I posted. Needless to say, the reason for not posting is because my father lost his battle to Pancreatic cancer on June 1st. I've thought about writing this post many times, and always found it too difficult, or there were no words to be written. I always think about what I should and shouldn't include in the post. I'm still not completely sure. We'll both find out in a minute.

Aside from being one of the hardest periods of my life, there were some pretty amazing things that happened after his death. About a week prior to his death, our church, the church my dad grew up in, held our last service. Our church was being dismantled and our building given to another, more well attended church. However, when it came to planning the funeral, we were at a loss. The one ideal location was gone and all the backups seemed wrong. I contacted the last preacher of our church, the one before her, and the preacher of the church moving in and explained our situation. I was aware that remodeling to our church building was to start soon, so this was a long shot. Everyone was so kind and helpful in making things come together and we were able to hold the service at the church. My father's funeral was the last thing that Hyde Park United Methodist Church ever did. And that would have meant a great deal to my dad, as it did to me.

All I can think about now is the little things I'll miss. The places we ate together, the way he said "hi" to me, or just the little weird bits of knowledge he had. It is strange to meet new people and realize that they will never have the opportunity to meet him. I just hope part of him lives on in me. There is never a day where I don't think about him. It's just such a strange thing to experience and to realize the permanence of the new reality.

All I can say is this is not the end. Not for me, not for the photographs, and not for the cranes. This project is all about him, it has just shifted in its purpose. These cranes are his, the ones already made and the ones to come. I've already mentioned how I am not the best with words. So the only way to express myself to other through this period of my life is in photographs. This is only supplemental. I don't know if this post makes any sense or if it is just ramblings, but this post needed to be done. Thank you everyone.

Crane Update: #100!

I have reached 100 cranes so far (not including ones other people might be making)! I am 1/10 the way there. I was hoping to be at this checkpoint awhile back, but life always seems to get in the way of my projects. I am also excited to say I am going to start shooting for my project tomorrow! It's been a long time coming and I am looking forward to seeing my ideas on paper for once.

And now for an update on how my dad is doing. He is currently in the hospital, and has been there for about 3-4 weeks (I loose track). He has been having trouble digesting food. His stomach is not spasming like it is supposed to, so the food is not descending into his intestines. This leave the food sitting in his stomach causing gas build-up and bloating. He had a tube put in his stomach that goes from the inside of his stomach directly to a pouch outside of his body. If he starts to experience any pain from bloating, he can open the tube and release the undigested food into a bag. He is currently on a "liquid" diet and uses the stomach tube regularly. The hospital plans to release him this week, and has scheduled a home health care program to come check on him. Besides the stomach tub, one of his main obstacles is battling the fatigue that comes with being so sick. He is not used to being sleepy all the time and has not quite adjusted to his limitations. His doctors have started him back on a chemo regiment. He is currently taking Gemzar, which is one of the most commonly used chemotherapies used against pancreatic cancer. However, this is the chemo he was put on in March of last year after he was diagnosed, and his cancer is proven to be resistant to this chemotherapy. He had been in a pancreatic cancer chemotherapy drug trial in the fall last year until he got an infection in his liver in late December. He has been off of chemo since getting the infection. So starting him back onto Gemzar is better than no chemo at all.

Thank you to everyone who has been keeping my family in your prayers, it means so much to all of us. My dad can use all the support he can get. I will post more updates about the crane folding and my dad's health when things change.

Crane Update: #73

I've almost reached the end of my first package of origami paper, and I still have a long way to go. I've been asked multiple times what kind of paper I'm using. It is a basic 6"x6" white folding paper. I purchased it on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Japanese-Origami-Folding-Paper-White/dp/B0034JIOMK/ref=wl_it_dp_o?ie=UTF8&coliid=I32Y4EFGZ13065&colid=4LG0T72AWV2B Unfortunately, they are currently sold out of it, so I'll be looking into other papers. Any suggestions on local Austin stores or good online stores are welcome.

Also, I thought I would give you an update on my dad since this whole project is based on him. Back in the fall (2009), he had a stint put in his liver to help it drain since he was getting jaundice. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaundice About a month ago (March 2010) he was put in the hospital multiple times because of an infection that had formed in his liver because of the stint. Getting an infection in the liver is a possible side effect of having a stint put in. He had the stint replaced last week because the tumors in his liver had blocked the stint from draining properly. However, he is getting fever again, so he is going back to the hospital today so the doctors can check the current stint and make sure it is draining like it should. Unfortunately, he has been out of chemotherapy since February because of the infection and currently not get back onto a study until his bilirubin counts get back into a normal range. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bilirubin As soon as I get more information on his condition, I will let y'all know.

The Beginning

It's hard for me to explain a photographic concept I've been living with for a while, but haven't photographed yet. I've never been one for words, so maybe that is one reason I express myself through images. I hope that by writing and talking about this project, I'll be able to completely fulfill my expectation for this idea. I guess I'll start explaining this idea from the beginning...

About a year ago, March 2009, my family discovered that my father, Bruce Bowman, has pancreatic cancer. If you have no knowledge of this type of cancer, click this link to learn more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pancreatic_cancer. Having known him my entire life I know what a great person he is and how many people he has helped and loved throughout his life. Needless to say, he is a very important part of my life. He has influenced my hobbies, career, and personality more than I can comprehend. However, when someone you love is fighting cancer, you feel helpless, like there is nothing you can do to make them feel or get better. Having gone through chemotherapy before myself, I thought I could help get him through the treatments, however, my experience was not near as serious or life-threatening as his. Our experiences were similar at first, but his has gone to a completely different level than mine. Feeling helpless, I searched for ways in which I could show my support and feel like what I was doing might make a difference. This is when I remembered the Japanese legend of folding 1,000 paper cranes. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1000_paper_cranes I know I'm not Japanese, but I have always loved origami and the meditation associated with folding. This is where my inspiration came for my photographic project.

My current plan is to fold 1,000 white paper cranes for my dad. These cranes will also be photographed in places that remind me of my dad and represent memories I have of him. I have been working out the details of this project for a couple of months now, but I am still in the beginning stages. I hope to document the creation of this project here and work through my ideas to make this something I am truly proud of.

Crane update: #67

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